A Full Heart And Wider Eyes

Sometimes life really has a way of letting me know that it is so beautiful and I should really sit down and appreciate it for a moment. 

Travelling in itself has its beauty, tediousness and confusion all wrapped up in a couple of days placed a few thousand kilometres away from your comfort zone. Sometimes I hate it, sometimes I take it for granted and ignorantly set foot into a country without genuinely learning more about its people, culture and stories, but other times like this, I. Fricking. Love. It. 

Meeting new people at home is scary enough. Meeting new people overseas gets me even more anxious and I have mad respect for solo travellers and people who are so comfortable in placing themselves out there to speak to people. But I am so glad I managed to pluck up enough courage (or faked it enough), to find myself 3 MRT stops away from my hotel, in a small little Jap bar, sipping on beer and sharing stories with someone I have only known for 3 days. 

We met for only a short while, but we shared similar perspectives, bonded over our common understanding of gender, family and relationships in general. We had the same worries, agreed on the same issues and laughed about a lot of things. I was so at ease and so comforted that despite the distance, be it by culture, language or the geography, our views on things were mostly similar. Having an opinion is great, but empathy is sosososo important and I have learnt over the years to appreciate it in every person I meet. 

I fall in love with good conversations too quickly. I say it like it's a bad thing. It's not. I am in love with the conversation we shared, that connection we had in that particular moment, and that look we both gave each other as we sighed,"why didn't we meet earlier." It's hard to put it into words but I know what I felt and my heart is full again. It's the same kind of feeling when I saw the whales and dolphins swimming so freely out in the waters of Kaikoura, the same kind of feeling of screaming into the prettiest sunset I have ever seen in my life in the car on the way to Queenstown and the same feeling of taking off your make-up and clothes, being at complete ease with yourself. 

Never ever regret putting yourself out there to meet and talk to new people. Though you will realise that you're no special snowflake- it's really not always all about you, okay? You will also be so comforted by the truth from the phrase: you are NOT alone in crappy circumstances. There will be always someone out there that will share the same sentiments, believe in the same things and have a similar understanding despite the different experiences that lead up to gaining those perspectives.

We are all human after all. That is the greatest common denominator. 

Y3S1 Mid Sem Shenanigans

Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you are your own individual person and there is no need to latch yourself onto someone or something or some sort of ideal that you desire for. It's always the case where I find myself stuck in the situation of always being "too nice" and I'm over being that one friend that would risk everything and anything for everyone and giving my heart back so easily to people that have hurt me before. So here's a playlist, future Rachel, to remind yourself that the best decisions you've made are those that were based off what you wanted, what you felt was right, what you contemplated on independently. 

I am my own person I am my own person I am my own person I say this over and over again and please start to believe it. 

(I apologize for the lack of updates, I've been so busy with work and unnecessary shit) 

SPRING BREAK 2K15: TULIP FESTIVAL || WITHOUT THE BITTER THE SWEET ISN'T AS SWEET

 

As much as I try to keep this space a place where I write about happier things and better days, it's hard. It was a bad day yesterday, with shitty feelings, tears and all. Called my mum up in desperation to try to talk things out with a mature adult with a bigger perspective than mine. But the thing is, when talking to a mature adult with a bigger perspective than yours, is that no matter how nicely they try to phrase things, it just makes you feel as though your feelings are completely irrelevant and it!! will!! all!! be!! okay!! soon!!!!!! A little bit of the whole "Ah, we've been there done that, kid. You'll turn out fine." My problem with that sentence/attitude is that YES OKAY I get that you've been there, which is essentially where I am - HERE, so please enlighten me how do I get OUT of here? 

I'm not trying to say that mum was shit at hearing me out, if anything, ever since I told her more about everything that has been going through my mind since June/July this year, we've never been closer. Mum's a great listener and comforter, but I just couldn't place a finger as to how I felt the whole day yesterday. It was kind of like waking up on the wrong side of the bed, with these thoughts that were constantly pushed allllll the way to the back of my head suddenly deciding to roll out, sweep the dust off themselves and try to occupy 99.9999% of my mind again. Absolute shit. 

Fast forward to today, I was hanging out with Jean and she brought up a question that really got me thinking, when you're having a bad day, what is your remedy? What do you do to make yourself feel better? 

My answer was simple, really. I don't. 

It was something I never really observed about myself, that whenever I was feeling shit about something, I would always find ways to make myself feel worse. Is this even something sane to do? I don't even know, haha. Be it watching 10 sad Thai film advertisements, or crying through a sad Korean film, or eating out of the ice cream tub, I would do anything that made myself feel worse, and allow everything to amplify throughout my body and my mind......... as though it was sort of self-inflicted? 

Jean kept quiet for a while after hearing my answer and said, "but there must be something that would help you feel better again!" Sleep, of course. Or hanging out with my friends, if I was in the mood to. Reflecting on those 2 solutions trying to alleviate the shittiness, it could essentially be summarized into 1 theme: distractions - which I'm still trying to figure out if it is a good thing or a bad thing for me. 

Anyway, like I said yesterday to my mum on the phone while trying to hold back the tears, "On most days I am okay with how things are with me and how things are around me. But on some days, like today, I'm not. I feel as though I'm the one with the problem, and there's nothing I can do to change that." 

I always tell myself that in order to feel like I am the catastrophe, I am the mess or I am the problem, there must be a degree of self-indulgence and obsession, right? It's funny because for someone that has little to no self-worth/confidence, to be able to constantly think about myself is such a sickening thing to do. NTS: This thought has officially resurfaced, welcome back lol. All in all, it's still a loooong process y'all, of trying to figure things out. Yesterday felt like 10 steps backwards for me, which was disappointing, given all the progress that I thought I've made so far. 

But like all other bad days, it will really come to pass. I had a great dinner with some wonderful friends last night and had a food coma afterwards. I also woke up early today, made it to church, hung out with Jean, Kai came over to watch Unbreakable and I had homecooked Indian dinner courtesy of Arjun's mum and grandma to finish off the day. I'm okay now, like the other 99% of the time, with how things are. 

I've also planned out my week and hopefully I'll be able to stick to it. The feeling of being able to strike things off your To-Do list has got to be one of the best feelings, in my opinion. And this week, I'm all about that good vibes. :-) Bad days come and go, and I guess looking through these Tulip Festival photos remind me that bad days kind of make the good days seem even better, you know? (Without the bitter the sweet isn't as sweet type of thing)

Rant over, thanks for sticking through this post, y'all. Cheers to the better days ahead! 

SPRING BREAK 2K15: CHERRY HILL BLOSSOMS

Now that our mid-semester (which isn't that "mid" after all) break is over, I am officially suffering from mid-sem break withdrawals. I guess now we're back to finding it hard to get out of bed and getting to school on time. 

Why is it so much easier to wake up early and explore, rather than to wake up and make it on time for that lecture or tutorial? Ugh. So I guess what better way to get over mid-sem withdrawals than to blog about what I did over the break? ..... right? Smart choice. 

On the first day of our break, Shona and I made an impromptu decision to head out to see the cherry blossoms at Lilydale, approx 45 min drive out from the city. We were sitting at home, lounging around and lamenting the fact that we really never did get to explore Melbourne as much as we would like to. I was on Facebook checking out the events that I randomly clicked "going" (yes I'm the type that clicks attending but only because I want to keep it in my view juuuust in case I actually want to go), and saw the Cherry Hill Blossom event and just said, "OMG let's go." 

The rest they say is history. 

Not. 

1. We didn't have a car. 2. We didn't really want to ask friends since it was sort of a last minute decision to head out. Therefore, we decided to be economical travellers and use public transport instead. We took the train out to Lilydale, which was about 50 mins, and then took a 15 min cab ride to get to the place which was $56 there and back in total. 

It was a tiring journey out and we only had 2 packets of pocky biscuits, 2 packets of kiddo biscuits, 2 chocolate bars and water to last us the entire day when we went exploring. #economical, or what? #stayhungrygotravel #wonderlust #anythingfornicephotos 

Okay sorry, the hashtags got out of hand. But you know what I mean. Shona and I concluded that heading out of the city the way we did was something that was fun and refreshing at the same time. It may be time-consuming, but with the right company, it works out. I had so much fun exploring and soaking up the atmosphere and scenery, I barely checked for the time. Given that there was shitty reception as well, all the more it made us live in the moment and not constantly be living behind our phone screens. (Tech detox is a real thing, y'all)

I also decided to play around while editing the photos, trying to see how I can make these photos look more "moody" with more "feel", I honestly hope it looks okay! I'm still a noob at editing photos, but one step at a time, right? Though I must say, filters really do help with enhancing the mood of a photo. Mindblown. 

(I took waaaay too many closed-eye shots) 
(1. The sun was killing my eyes 2. I was afraid to look at the 128193 bees buzzing around my head)

Overall, I thought the visit to CherryHill Orchid was worth it. From the long travel time to the hunger pangs we tolerated because we didn't want to get there when it was closing. I wouldn't mind doing it all over again. (Okay, but I'll be sure to pack more snacks instead hehe)

Too many times we get comfortable in the places that we are familiar with, and even though I've said countless of times that I'm the type that is always ready to get up and go out to explore, I'm not. I definitely get too comfortable lazing around the house or sticking to boring routines, that the thought of getting out and doing something different might require a bit more effort, which is something that I initially wasn't down for. However, this trip out of the city reminded me again why getting out there is something that I thoroughly enjoy. This trip out was spontaneous, it was a rash decision made with promise to wake up by 8 am to catch the train out (We caught the train only at 12 noon but it's okay, A for effort). 

I got reminded again about the thrill of traveling and just having a different view for your eyes to feast on, is something that is sort of therapeutic and calming all at the same time. I'm not sure if there is any better way to put it. 

Anyway, there's going to be a few posts about spring break 2k15, because, Tulip festival and Perth all happened as well. I thought it would be a good thing to write about them, so I can look back and recall the amount of fun I had :-) 

Can't wait to fill this space up with more words and pictures! 

B A N G K O K C L E A N S E (三)

It's almost like a must-do when travelling different countries to visit their respective Chinatown, especially when I'm on a family holiday. My parents love it. Bangkok's Chinatown was a mixture of warm-coloured neon Chinese and Thai signboards, all stacked on top or behind each other. It was filled with overpowering stimuli, just like anywhere else in Bangkok, really. (Seems as though that's mainly the way I describe Bangkok to be: stimulus stimulus stimulus) It's just hard to take in that much sensory exposure in such a short amount of time, immersing in the atmosphere may be a little too intense to really comprehend everything. The only thing I knew that I was immersing in was the freaking 35 degree heat in Chinatown.

To fully experience the liveliness when in Chinatown, night time is generally the best time to be there. The streets are extra crowded, with stall vendors shouting out their menus, streets flooded with foldable tables and chairs occupying almost every lane off the main road. We went there once in the evening and decided on going back there again to see what Chinatown was like in the day. 

B A N G K O K C L E A N S E (二)

Chatuchak Market.  I don't even know where to start about how I feel towards this market.

1. It's HUGE. Just google up the map of the market and be prepared to be blown away. 

2. It's always crowded and hot.

3. They have these pet sections (soi 8, 9, 11, 13) that really irks me and it's really disheartening how tourists would think this is "cute" or acceptable for them to treat the animals like that, with such crappy living conditions. All that rant for another day.

4. They also have clothing sections like soi 5 & 6, which are my heaven. 

5. Soi 6 is my top favourite because there are just heaps of vintage clothes to plough through each store. 

6. Coconut ice cream and the duck leg noodles make the trip here all worth it. 

7. Bargaining allowed. (even though I am shit at it, it's always a plus to be able to pull out the still-a-student-so-im-still-broke card. It works on some of them)

B A N G K O K C L E A N S E (一)

I'm back! Finally finding the time to update this space after exams and a shitty semester. All that aside with my semester's reflections chucked into another post, I've been meaning to blog about my short trip to Bangkok last week. 

I made a mental note to learn how to use the complicated DSLR, in order to try to take some nice pictures while in Bangkok. It's never too late to try, right? Countless of times when we're on a family trip, it was always my dad that had the handycam permanently glued to his right hand. But as he's grown older and we've grown up, he now uses his right hand to hold onto my mother's shoulders for support because of his hip and knee problems acting up, due to the excessive walking in Bangkok. Hence, Josh and I decided to step up our photography game by just a bit. Documenting travels is not an easy feat. 

It's not much, and I wasn't expecting much, but I just wanted to capture and process photos that were reminiscent to the things we felt and saw in Bangkok, despite the short trip.