Easter Break 2K16

The last Easter break here in Melbourne. 

It is always such a bittersweet feeling, knowing that it was the last one. 

Be back soon, y'all. 

Uni is always such a struggle :-(

SPRING BREAK 2K15: OF IMPROMPTU PHOTOSHOOTS AND LOTS OF MAKEUP

Okay let's face it: anyone who knows me will know that I LOVE my makeup. Whether or not it's an issue about living up to feminine beauty standards or low self-esteem or just being simply vain - we'll leave this discussion for another day. 

This year I've started reaaaallly getting into smoking up (....wait for it lol) the eyeshadows. Holler at HeyClaire and Clothesencounters for being such amazing beauty gurus, making me think that if I did my makeup like theirs I would somehow magically look somewhat like them. Tried it but didn't work out. Should've known. 

On the first day of our spring break, Shona - my housemate/best friend, was asking about how I fill in my brows. And I was like omg I'll try to fill it in for you! 

That was the start of our smashing Friday night. 

It started with just the eyebrows, which she really liked and kept exclaiming omg how did you DO it?!?! And then with the overflowing compliments about my eyebrow-drawing skills, it made me feel as though I was heyclaire/clothesencounters, like wow am I actually good with make up?? 

So it became a full blown let-me-give-you-a-freaking-makeover type of thing. It was a super girly night, with chart toppers playing on spotify while doing her makeup and I was raving about how much I L-O-V-E-D this particular brand of eyeliner. (3CE Gel Eyeliner, y'all. 100% recommend)

When I asked her what look she wanted to go for, all she said was "go full out la, since we've already come this far. All out sua." And I did. 

After the makeover, I couldn't bear to let her wash it off that quickly, so I suggested that we take some photos to capture the moment since she isn't the type to put on such heavy makeup. We also hung up my birthday streamers in the living room that evening, but sadly one of the hooks gave way which explains the weird streamers in the background....sorry. We wanted to see how nice the photos would come out with the streamers serving as a backdrop, and I guess it came out pretty well! 

Anyway, this girl has definitely been such a blessing in my life the past 2 years or so, I don't even know where or how to start. We're the only ones that would crack the lamest jokes and laugh at them, with everyone else clearly judging us. There's always those few people that can get your funny and she's one of them for me. I'm so glad that we're housemates because the apartment doesn't feel as cold as it should in winter anymore- not because we now have affordable heating (unlike College Square), but because her company cheers me up on bad days and makes my good days even better. 

We make a good team, and she's taught me many things like how to be more organized (look ma, I clean and cook now!), how to be grateful for the small things and her positivity is so contagious. Don't know what I would do without her and how different my life in Melbourne would have turned out to be like. 

Wherever you go, I believe, there's always a few people that you know are the ones that keep you grounded. They will try to protect you from the bad things, and celebrate with you when good things happen. Shona's one of them and I can never be more grateful for having such a wonderful human being as a housemate and best friend. 

Thank you for being so spontaneous, doing photoshoots like these and allowing me to slap on a load of makeup onto your face, feasting 24/7 together on Korean food despite food cravings hitting only at 1 am. For being so empathetic, letting me unload any stress or unhappiness in between sobs and still hugging me so tightly (recall: After my marketing paper last sem lel). And thanks for just, everything else in between. 

Just today, we both slept in and woke up to cook a simple lunch at 3 pm, and had our lovely weekend chats- which I realised that these relatively long chats only happen on weekends because that's the only time we really actually have to sit down and talk about things going on in our lives. Halfway through sharing our childhood stories, a thought suddenly flashed through my mind, kind of a mini-revelation-shooting-star type of thought? I don't know a better way to phrase it. But anyway, it was something along the realisation of omg we really never run out of things to talk about and something about realising how much I treasure this friendship that we have. 

Call it sappy and cheesy but this is me being 100% honest, translating this afternoon's food-coma-and-good-conversations-thoughts into words, haha. I try. 

Too many times I have told many people that I can't wait to get out of Melbourne and fly back home into the loving arms of my family, but I always get reminded that there are indeed friends here in Melbourne that are worth coming back for. What I actually really mean is: I can't wait to get out of UNI. Melbourne really isn't as bad as I paint it to be, I honestly love this city, but I guess sometimes school work and my own negativity just messes with my perspective. But here I am today, writing about how lovely it is to get to meet friends that I can be 100% myself, in a country so far away from home. Mum always tells me to be thankful that God places these people in your life and she is so right. 

Uni is always a drag and coming home to someone on a long and hard day is, I feel, the best thing. It's almost coming home to family and I am so so glad that it's Shona that I get to come home to. She also kills the moths and flies intruding our house now, while I hide inside her room screaming support and giving her advice about how to kill the insect. USE THE SPRAY THINGY THAT I BOUGHT!! OMG WHACK IT!!! USE THE PAPER!! OMG, IS IT DEAD YET? DID YOU KILL IT?? That is truly when you know you've got a gem of a friend, y'all. 

T O O K 2 0 Y E A R S T O .......

Like always, here's a post about my birthday. It's essentially the only time I actually feel like it's sort of okay to be this self-indulgent, narcissistic person, feeling loved by some of the greatest, most down to earth individuals, and of course, receiving heartfelt birthday cards/wishes/dedications always make my day a bit sweeter. 

It's almost like a tradition since I was 8 or 9, where I would sit down and write about how I celebrated my birthday in my scruffy old diary which then transitioned to posting on my old blogs when I was a teenager. Every birthday I always feel so blessed and grateful for the people that God has placed in my life, and I'm so glad they stuck around. This birthday was no exception. 

The Plan

Since it is my last year celebrating my birthday in Melbourne, I thought I would take it up a notch from not celebrating it at all, to having a simple home-cooked dinner with the closest friends I have here in Melbourne. Thought it would be cool to make these cool invitation cards, since I thought Facebook invites were slightly insincere (but then later on proceeded to create a FB event anyway, because, convenient). 

Shoutout to Kevin for helping me with the designs and materialising all my fantastic jokes into invites (L O L)!! Photo creds: My wonderful housemate and best friend, Shona. :-)

The Birthday

It was my first time organising a dinner for close to 20 people and it was hectic. I couldn't have done it without all the help I got from the best friends ever!!!! 

• Thank you Shona, Jodie, Kai and Arjun for helping with the deco prep

• Jean and Joanne (@jojeanandco) for taking care of the whole dessert table that was super instaworthy! 

• Daryl for cooking the curry chicken that everyone was raving about
• Gerald & Sherwynn for driving out to get more chicken because my estimation skills failed on me 
• Rui, Xin Ting, Xin Jie, Leo, Bel & Wern for helping me bring down all the chairs 
• Kevin and Jodie for being the photographers that evening

And of course, thanks to everyone for coming for dinner and helping to clean up afterwards!

I had such a great evening, spending my birthday with the friends that matter the most in Melbourne. 

I was asked to give a short speech and it was something that I was constantly thinking about the past few days leading up to my birthday, what do I say? How do I thank them for being such amazing human beings? Will I cry? Should I just say thanks and end it? 

Just when I was about to speak, I barely remembered anything that I rehearsed in my head the past few days, so I just told everyone that when it came to picking the people to invite to my birthday dinner, I sat down and made a list around the question of: If people were to ever turn their backs against me in Melbourne, who are the ones that will still stick around me through anything? Who are the friends that I can rely on the most? Hence this list of friends that I've grown to love and treasure over the past 4 years were the ones I had in mind.

(No guys, #timchel is still going strong in the brozone) 

From being so freaking afraid of turning 20 just a few years ago, and I quote freshly turned 17 year old Rachel,"... all I want to do is give everyone a tight hug and cry my eyes out and scream about 3 more years to 20 and I don't ever want to grow old" to actually embracing my age and all the shit that comes along with it. Leaving teenhood, almost being done with my last lap of my undergraduate degree, trying to be more adult-like attempting to get some wisdom, jobs and internships... stuff like that.

Turning 20 isn't that much of a nightmare. For now, I guess. In fact, I was reading through old diary entries that I scribbled through my tears or moments of rage on my Disney Princesses journal when I was 17. 16/17/18 was when I was very lost, jaded and constantly keeping myself in deep sinking holes, and in just a mere 3 years, I have realized that I defintely gained some clarity, found out more about myself - the things I like or dislike, and rooted certain things in place. As cheesy and cliché that sounds, it is true.

As much as I didn't want to let go of certain things that were pulling me down, I guess I did, and that's all part of growing up.

Every single year, I always tell myself "I don't know what I did to get friends like these. But I must have done something right." And this year, I'm saying it again. But one thing's for sure, these friends have been and will be the greatest supporters, they are the ones that have seen me through some shitty times and on so many instances where inadequacy was eating me alive, they provided me with the affirmation that I sometimes needed (I've also accepted the fact that everyone needs some affirmation and people telling them that they are good enough, and that I am NOT undeserving of it, hint hint: old rachel would always think otherwise).

I always talk about how people can subconciously save you from yourself and with that, I have these friends to be grateful for. From listening to me sob countless of times over school, people and unfavourable situations, to always being so selfless, providing a helping hand or giving me useful advice to help get over small bumps in the road, to accepting me for whatever flaws I have... it was always them.

For me, my birthdays are always used to celebrate the friendships I've forged over the years and it always, always serves as a timely reminder that I am indeed loved and I should always never be afraid to give, because friendships like these are worth it.

And, if the world turned their backs against me, I still have these people that I can rely on. ;-)

It was a wonderful start to my 20th year of existence, and I cannot be any happier. Although it was a bittersweet moment, knowing that this is the first and last time hosting a birthday dinner in Melbourne with all these friends I've met throughout my stay here, I enjoyed every single bit of having these people that mean so much to me congregate in one specific area. 

For some reason it felt like a bit of a goodbye party, since some of them graduate this year or the year after me, and a lot of them would probably not make it for my 21st, but all is good. I still have time and I should stop worrying about the future and just enjoy the present. New goals of the 20 year old me: Stop worrying so much. I haven't written out my feelings in quite a while so please excuse the word vomit and choppiness but I'm already trying my best to string these thoughts into sentences. :-(

Also! On my birthday, I got to oovoo with Jamie, Nicole, Jodie and Marcus and now we're officially maintaining a long distance friendship, with 4 timezones. The next oovoo session might be in a while, but I was so happy to talk to them and saying goodbye (even) on oovoo was such a hard thing to do. In the mean time, I wish that we will run bravely towards the things we want and that we will all be safe and come home to each other sooner than later. 

So many people have recently asked me how I've been doing and I have been giving them the widest smile and saying, "I'm okay."

It took a while to be okay and now that I am here, it feels so good. I may not be okay again in time to come and that used to scare the shit out of me, knowing that when there's a high, there would come a low soon enough. But 20 year old Rachel is now going to bask in this "okayness" and be glad about it. For now, I know that I am okay.

Cheers to the start of my twenties. 

F A B F R I D A Y S #2

Guys, I'm honestly trying. 

This whole taking out your camera to document everything you do is so hard. Especially when trying to hold a camera to your face and speak about things in public. It must really take a whole bunch of self-confidence and a bit of the IDGAF attitude to do it like how those vloggers do it. 

Either way, I managed to churn out the second installment for this series, and I'm glad. My friday started off with a stayover at Jean's place (as seen above), where Jean and Joanne were busy baking a cake from scratch for Joanne's sister. It is always exciting seeing young people work so fervently, doing things that they truly believe in. 

We had brunch, and we then went to law to study for a bit. Afterwards, I also went to OCF - where they were doing a sum up for this semesters' bible study topic: Ezra. It's probably my second time there this semester, but I guess I still managed to learn quite a bit during my short time attending. Tim also led worship that night. From hearing him belt Tswift songs down the stairs back in Palmerston house 3 years ago, to seeing him control the stage, it really shows how much he has matured and it makes me so proud. 

The night just got better because I had one of the best conversations that I haven't had in a really long time. Kai and I spent 4 hours just talking about life, perceptions, and discussing how children can't run away from the fact that they are a shadow of what their parents are, or lack thereof. We chatted about therapy, mental illnesses, our stories, our friends' stories, and the obstacles that people go through that shape them into the person that they are. It was so enlightening and it has been a really long time since I've had these meaningful conversations with a friend. She has taught me so much through her stories, her principles in life and her strong beliefs in certain issues. Truly so thankful to have gotten closer to Kai this semester. 

So, that's the summary of what went down this Friday. 

It's going to be another tiring week, working towards my final 2k word essay that's due in 2 weeks and catching up with my schoolwork - which I'm already lagging behind in. Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in another post the coming week! 

F A B F R I D A Y S #1

So this idea has been stuck at the back of my mind ever since the semester started, but I just never got around to doing it because a) I honestly think my Fridays aren't that interesting b) my camera is about 3 years old and the quality is quite shitty, as you can tell from the video above c) The last time I properly held a camera and spoke in front of it was also about 3 years ago. 

And then one day, I decided I was just going to screw all these excuses and just try. It's probably a meek start to the series, I apologize for the awkwardness and crappy editing skills. But hey, at least I managed to post it up on youtube! A right start in the right direction. 

On another note, 2 weeks ago was pretty rough for me and I finally found enough courage to finally book an appointment with the University's counsellor. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by sharing about this over here on such a public space, but I guess ultimately this blog is to serve the purpose of tracking my own progress throughout the whole year. 

Wanting to see a counsellor was something that I wanted to do for about a year now, but just never dared to, or somehow managed to convince myself that I don't really need to (which I'm trying to do so now, 1 hour before my appointment, lol.) ((I'm still going to make it)) 

I woke up late today, the sky was covered with different shades of grey clouds and the trees were swaying crazily because of the tornado-like wind. I thought to myself that its such a gloomy day,  I didn't really want to go see someone to talk about all my issues and make the day even gloomier than it already is. 

But now, 1 hour before my appointment,  the sun is out and the trees stopped moving so vigourously. I stepped out onto the balcony at home and took a deep breath of the fresh air (I've always liked the after-rain smell). I think I'm ready.