Y E A R 2 , S E M 2

In all honesty, I haven't been the best at keeping my promises. 

I told myself to try to update this space at least once a week, but evidently that didn't happen. Nor is this post going to be some self-enlightening shit that I attained the past couple of weeks. 

It's been a tough sem. Like any other semester, they all say. It's a little bit different and a tad bit harder this time around, and it seems like I've just been blaming summer school for the downfall of my motivation and energy. There wasn't a proper break after summer school, straight away transitioning to the normal semester. Hence, this semester just feels extra long and exhausting, where all my energy was channeled into attempting to pass my 2 summer modules. 

I've been all over the place but still stuck in the same state all at once. Does that make sense? 

The past few weeks were just spent in and out of bed, attempting to get out there and attend classes and seem like I give a shit about my social life. I don't. This lack of motivation, botheration and urgency just feels like a tsunami that is about to approach and drown me, but at the same time I am nothing but nonchalant about it. The calm before the storm, is this what it is? 

There hasn't been one point the past few weeks where I set myself goals to achieve for the day/week and I successfully accomplish them. Pathetic and weak. I know. I won't even give myself credit and say that I'm trying because I'm really not. 

If you can't save yourself from the rut you put yourself in, then no amount of words and advice from people is going to salvage this impending doom you're about to face. By yourself. 

F A B F R I D A Y S #2

Guys, I'm honestly trying. 

This whole taking out your camera to document everything you do is so hard. Especially when trying to hold a camera to your face and speak about things in public. It must really take a whole bunch of self-confidence and a bit of the IDGAF attitude to do it like how those vloggers do it. 

Either way, I managed to churn out the second installment for this series, and I'm glad. My friday started off with a stayover at Jean's place (as seen above), where Jean and Joanne were busy baking a cake from scratch for Joanne's sister. It is always exciting seeing young people work so fervently, doing things that they truly believe in. 

We had brunch, and we then went to law to study for a bit. Afterwards, I also went to OCF - where they were doing a sum up for this semesters' bible study topic: Ezra. It's probably my second time there this semester, but I guess I still managed to learn quite a bit during my short time attending. Tim also led worship that night. From hearing him belt Tswift songs down the stairs back in Palmerston house 3 years ago, to seeing him control the stage, it really shows how much he has matured and it makes me so proud. 

The night just got better because I had one of the best conversations that I haven't had in a really long time. Kai and I spent 4 hours just talking about life, perceptions, and discussing how children can't run away from the fact that they are a shadow of what their parents are, or lack thereof. We chatted about therapy, mental illnesses, our stories, our friends' stories, and the obstacles that people go through that shape them into the person that they are. It was so enlightening and it has been a really long time since I've had these meaningful conversations with a friend. She has taught me so much through her stories, her principles in life and her strong beliefs in certain issues. Truly so thankful to have gotten closer to Kai this semester. 

So, that's the summary of what went down this Friday. 

It's going to be another tiring week, working towards my final 2k word essay that's due in 2 weeks and catching up with my schoolwork - which I'm already lagging behind in. Hopefully I'll be able to squeeze in another post the coming week! 

F A B F R I D A Y S #1

So this idea has been stuck at the back of my mind ever since the semester started, but I just never got around to doing it because a) I honestly think my Fridays aren't that interesting b) my camera is about 3 years old and the quality is quite shitty, as you can tell from the video above c) The last time I properly held a camera and spoke in front of it was also about 3 years ago. 

And then one day, I decided I was just going to screw all these excuses and just try. It's probably a meek start to the series, I apologize for the awkwardness and crappy editing skills. But hey, at least I managed to post it up on youtube! A right start in the right direction. 

On another note, 2 weeks ago was pretty rough for me and I finally found enough courage to finally book an appointment with the University's counsellor. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by sharing about this over here on such a public space, but I guess ultimately this blog is to serve the purpose of tracking my own progress throughout the whole year. 

Wanting to see a counsellor was something that I wanted to do for about a year now, but just never dared to, or somehow managed to convince myself that I don't really need to (which I'm trying to do so now, 1 hour before my appointment, lol.) ((I'm still going to make it)) 

I woke up late today, the sky was covered with different shades of grey clouds and the trees were swaying crazily because of the tornado-like wind. I thought to myself that its such a gloomy day,  I didn't really want to go see someone to talk about all my issues and make the day even gloomier than it already is. 

But now, 1 hour before my appointment,  the sun is out and the trees stopped moving so vigourously. I stepped out onto the balcony at home and took a deep breath of the fresh air (I've always liked the after-rain smell). I think I'm ready.