ALL WAYS, ALWAYS.

As much as I try my best to sound as well versed, there are some things that come out as utter word vomit mixed up with a chunk of emotions. This post is just one of them.

Within the next few months, the lives of the most important friends I have around me are going to change drastically. With university life coming right at them, locally or internationally, the level of uncertainty is so high and I'm not too sure if I can take this all in, sit down and be okay with it.

Eventually, I know we are all going to be alright. Because that's just how things are, right? We throw ourselves into a completely new environment, after years of being stuck in our individual comfort zones, and then we scramble and fall a bit - but all will eventually come to pass. We'll be able to breathe and feel comfortable in our own skin again. 

 

The past few weeks, we have been spending almost every day with each other as if we can't go a day without meeting up. It's obsessive and possessive, but we always laugh it off claiming "people don't understand this friendship". 

We've all been friends for almost 8 years and counting now, and it just keeps getting better. I'm so blessed to have met everyone, and being able to reach the highest level of friendship - openly saying whatever is on our minds without having to filter, and not being afraid to reveal our emotions to one another. It's terribly hard to keep things from these people and the biggest take away from this trip back home is that if I were to ever have the whole world turn against me for whatever reason, having this group of friends around me will be enough for me to be okay with things. 

A lesson I learnt the previous semester is that not everyone is on the same wavelength. With people and their motives, the relationships established outside may not always be the most trustworthy and people get hurt. I got hurt. Thus, thinking about the situation if the world turned their backs against me, all I ever really need is this group of friends where I find the utmost comfort, joy and pride in. I will always be okay. 

 

Of course not forgetting my other TK girls being my rocks for the past 8 years or so, constantly being so supportive and overall such amazing friends. I cannot feel more blessed.

I know I might sound dramatic but these friends really are the ones that I always run to when things go awry and I can never imagine anything else different from this. It's been a great holiday being able to meet up and pick up right from where we left off, without any weird silences or hesitations. It has always been this way, and I'm sure it will continue to be like this. 

Tonight, we all sent Jodie off to Melbourne. Goodbye is never easy, espeically with uncertainty attached to it. We all don't know when we can gather like this again, because everyone will be heading off to different universities all over the world in the next 2 months. We've #YOLOed to the best of our abilities, and I have no regrets. The Melbourne Hoes Holiday, the suppers, the car rides and the jokes. 4 Fingers, Or Lua, wet from sweat, dou dou, stfu alpha male, zoukboo alumbraboo siambu and jiu mei... the list goes on and now I can't stop laughing at my screen because I'm thinking about the jokes. 

I'm lucky because I get to have Jodie with me in the same school and same country during my final year in Melbourne. Honestly, I haven't felt this stoked to go back to Melbourne ever since the first time leaving for Melbourne to start Trinity College. Guess it's been a long time since I've felt like I'm going back there for something, or someone. Like there's finally a legitimate motivating reason to head back. 

Next up, it'll be my departure followed by Jamie's and then Marcus being the last out of the clan to leave the homeland. It's such a morbid thought, and we always keep telling ourselves that we'll let it sink in when it comes. Later, later, later. But we all know it's coming. Fast. And with all the ambiguity about the next time everyone heads back to Singapore, it feels as though the next time we meet will be in a very long while. 

Anyway, this post just gets more depressing as each paragraph gets written down. It's 3:40 am now, and I hope I have managed to accurately convey this mess of thoughts and feelings that have been camping inside of me the past couple of weeks. 

Tonight, watching Jodie walk into the departure gates alone just made everything feel more real, and that this is actually happening. Goodbyes and see you soons are going to be said over and over again and I have to be okay with it. Even if I'm not, I have to learn because it's been 3 years of constantly being TOO CLOSE and then TOO FAR from familiarity, and if I don't master the art of adaptation soon, missing familiarity is really not the best thing to feel. 

You all know who you are, and if you didn't already know this: 
I will always come back to you guys. No matter how great the distance, I find home in every single one of you. You have my heart. All ways, always.